


an open heart makes such a massive sound

by la_dissonance



Category: Bandom, Empires
Genre: Coming Out, Kissing, M/M, positive feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-20
Updated: 2013-03-20
Packaged: 2017-12-05 22:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/la_dissonance/pseuds/la_dissonance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The song is probably about some book, or some news article Sean read late at night and scared himself with, the way all his songs are. Even if it was about Sean, there's no reason Tom should take it so literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	an open heart makes such a massive sound

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Source and the Sound by Laura Stevenson. I am indebted to both lalejandra's very generous audiencing and very good ideas for making this story exist at all!

Tom doesn't remember all the words to the song, but he does remember the swelling feeling in his chest when Sean played it for them. It had felt like _maybe_ and _almost_ and he had tamped it down as soon as he recognized it, buried it under layers of familiar guitar talk and jovial shoulder punches.

The song is probably about some book, or some news article Sean read late at night and scared himself with, the way all his songs are. Even if it was about Sean, there's no reason Tom should take it so literally. That first pronoun, Tom's pretty sure he's not remembering that wrong, but it could mean...anything. It's probably about the first person Sean looked up to, or his first guitar crush. Sean tends to use 'love' like it could mean anything he wants it to.

Tom thinks his problem is all in first impressions and faulty memory, but when they play the song again next practice it's no better. All he can hear when Sean sings the song are wide open spaces and desperation, so he translates it all into chords and harmonies and tries not to think of the words. It's not fair to put Tom's meanings into Sean's words, Sean deserves better than that.

After practice in the car, though, with no guitar in his hands, he can't help but think of the words. He imagines it's a secret message, a code that means they're in the clear, that the way Tom feels about Sean doesn't have to be inappropriate and wrong.

Sean's quiet too, driving without talking. It's late, he's probably tired. Tom lets himself imagine that they're going somewhere as a couple, _together_ , that they'll walk in holding hands and everyone will be happy to see them. He doesn't let himself imagine that Sean's silence is covering up the same kind of fantasy, even though it'd be an easy leap to make. 

At some point he must sigh -- Tom's never been as good at silently brooding as some people -- because Sean looks over at him and makes an inquisitive noise.

"Just daydreaming."

"Little late for that," Sean says.

"I was thinking about our new song, actually," Tom says. "It's going to be a face-melter. I'm really excited for it."

Sean laughs a little, shakes his head. Tom would punch him on the shoulder, except he's not feeling very jovial right now, and he doesn't want Sean to drive into traffic. 

"Maybe I need to write a different song," Sean says after a minute.

"Dude, was that not supposed to be a loud one? You should have said something -- we can come up with a different arrangement, do it all acoustic maybe..."

Sean waves him off. "No, I like how it sounds so far. I just...wanted it to do something else."

"Do something?"

"It was supposed to be this big --" Sean stops and takes a deep breath, starts again. "Sometimes I have this thought, about how things would have been if we had met each other way back in high school. What would our lives be like now? I never _would_ have, but sometimes I think if I had told you way back then, that we might have had a chance, might not have...gone our separate ways."

"Told me what?" Tom asks. He's finding it difficult to breathe.

"That I'm into dudes." It comes out in a rush, no time for Tom to react, and Sean careens into the next thought without pausing. "I have been, ever since...ever, probably, but there was always this block, like it was okay only as long as I didn't talk about it. That's what the song was supposed to do, but it didn't...whatever. Sometimes I think about skipping prom with you, if we had known each other back then. There, now you know everything."

There are other parts of that speech that Tom should probably be focusing on, but what comes out when he opens his mouth is, "I'd have taken you to prom, if I knew you back then. Would've wanted to show you off to everybody. Or now, whatever the real-world grownup equivalent to prom is. Or we could skip the hypothetical grownup prom, if that's more your speed."

Sean looks over at him, the whites of his eyes big and round. "Is this you asking me out?"

"Um, yes? Kind of? I'm totally fucking up the supportive friend thing, sorry, shit. You're telling me all this important life shit and all I can think about is kissing you."

Sean abruptly pulls the car over and puts it in park. "Can you, right now, please? I can't -- I want --"

Tom hasn't even finished his own string of, "Yes, Sean, fuck, c'mere," before Sean's leaning across the console to get at him. He leads face-first, but Tom's just as eager, so their faces meet in the middle in a messy collision of chins and noses and teeth. Sean laughs against Tom's cheek. 

"Hang on, that was smoother in my head," he says. He gets out and jogs around the front of the car, opens Tom's door and pulls at him until Tom trips out of the car and they're standing face to face against the side of the car. Somewhere up there beyond the glow of the street lights must be stars, Tom thinks, and then Tom pulls him in, gets his hand in Sean's hair to steady him and they're kissing like they've been dying for it. Sean's mouth is hot, just like his face and all the rest of him, when Tom slides his hands up under his shirt. He kisses fiercely, possessively, and it's all Tom can do to keep up.

"I'll still have to write another song," Sean says at one point, when they slow down for air. Tom's running his lips along the prickly line of Sean's jaw and only half listening to what he's saying. "For the other guys. So that they can know."

"Or we can just make out in front of them, they'd catch on pretty quickly."

Sean laughs out loud, then turns to catch Tom's lips in another kiss. "That could work," he says, when he finally releases him, before Tom reaches up and goes back in for more.


End file.
